90s throwback: rewatching 7th Heaven
Remember the Camden family? A narrow-minded, authoritarian patriarch minister, a moody clichéd wife and seven oppressed and traumatised children. Oh, how I loved to hate them.
At the turn of the millennium, they were all over the TV. The Camdens from a fictional Californian town called Glen Oak. The family members were protestant minister Eric Camden (Stephen Collins), his wife Annie (Cathrine Hicks) and their five, later seven, children. 7th Heaven is one of the numerous shows penned by Aaron Spelling and Brenda Hampton. Their storylines often aimed to educate young people about the risks of drugs and premarital sex (often frowned upon in Christian parts of the world).
Minister Eric usually takes on this educational task in the series. He’ll preach his holier-than-thou views to anyone who, in his opinion, has done something wrong. This could be a family member, a friend or a complete stranger of any age. He doesn’t even stop at a doctor who’s given one of his patient’s a pretty grim diagnosis because he has terminal cancer. Eric’s annoyed that the doctor only relies on scientific findings and forgets that a person will only die when «God is ready to receive him».
A crumbling halo
For the most part, churchgoers are the only ones he gives the chance to regain his trust after a «transgression». These lapses include smoking cigarettes, listening to gangster rap or having premarital sex. He attributes a particularly high risk of transgressing to people with a «weak character», such as his sister Julie. She’s a sober alcoholic and accused of regressing every time she comes over unannounced.
When Eric’s out preaching, he often collaborates with Sergeant Michaels, who has a penchant for slipping him confidential information from the police force. The Seargeant’s also by the minister’s side as a kind of private policeman during his bible-bashings. The hypocritical reasons Eric uses to justify his actions seem to have rubbed off on real-life actor Stephen Collins. Around ten years ago, he was accused of having sexually abused several underage girls. He initially justified his behaviour by saying he had «exhibitionist tendencies» and was by no means a paedophile. This all sounded similarly «preachy» as his role in the series:
Annie, the devoted wife
This brings me to Annie, Eric’s loving wife. «Devoted» is actually one of the only adjectives I can think of to describe her. She cooks, cleans and does the school runs. Occasionally, she gives Eric advice on his day-to-day work, which he only ever takes on board when he’s completely at a loss. Episodes focussing on Annie as an individual or with her in the lead are rare. And when she does show that there’s some life in her – for example when she takes part in a rally – she hides this from her husband at first.
Her mood swings are almost always blamed on her being overwhelmed by the housework or on her hormones. In one episode, in which she’s struggling with the perimenopause, she surprises her husband with a special kind of birthday present: hormone treatment for herself so that she’s «no longer so exhausting». For Eric, married life with Annie is an endless series of moods that have to be survived, as he says in season 7.
Life lesson: long-haired boys smoke weed
Their eldest child is Matt (Barry Watson). Being the eldest, he’s under particular scrutiny because he’s a role model for his younger siblings. But also because Eric’s father, a retired US Army officer, thinks he’s a dreamer and a bit of a flake. To him, having long hair as a boy is proof enough. The joint Eric finds in Matt’s room (which doesn’t belong to him) seems to be the logical consequence of his rebellious hair. His siblings tearfully express their disappointment in a series of «interventions». His baby brother Simon even says: «I wish you weren’t my brother».
Eric does eventually make peace with his son. After all, the boy’s studying medicine. However, the minister temporarily disowns him because he wants to marry Sarah Glass. Eric and Annie shed tears of despair over this. Why? Because Sarah’s Jewish and the daughter of a rabbi. At the very last minute, Eric decides to attend his eldest child’s wedding. After all, he doesn’t want to leave matters solely in the rabbi’s hands. He’s also hoping to prevent Matt from converting to Judaism. After the wedding, the couple leave for New York.
Mary the black sheep
Just like Eric’s sister Julie, Mary is deemed a «weak character». This is partly because she’s planning on taking a gap year before starting college to decide what career she wants to pursue. She’s even looking for a job for that year. But because she’s in debt and hangs out with people who have a child out of wedlock, her family feels she’s «strayed from the path». Due to the risk of this unmarried couple «ambushing» her anywhere in Glen Oak, Mary (who’s already of age at the time) is sent off to her grandfather’s correctional facility on the east coast, where she’s forced to study and do community service. The aim is to make her realise she’s being careless with her privilege and that only an academic degree will lead to true happiness in life. Now you know.
Later, she ignores the advances of her parents’ dream son-in-law Ben and falls in love with a pilot who’s older than her. When she moves in with him, Eric’s angry that he’s lost control over her and fears she’s now «lost her way for good». Interestingly, this storyline actually has a real background. Jessica Biel, who played the role of Mary, posed scantily clad for a men’s magazine during that time. The producers of the series were not amused and promptly cancelled Biel’s part in the show.
Lucy – please love me, daddy!
The third of five children is Lucy (Beverly Mitchell). She’s a typical middle child who’s often ignored and feels left out. However, whenever she expresses this, she’s not taken seriously. Because of her «extreme emotions» (i.e. sadness and attention-seeking) she’s often made fun of by her parents and siblings. That’s unless her attention-seeking crosses her parents’ values. For example, when she hits the mall in full make-up age 14 and ends up being harassed by a security guard. Instead of the perpetrator getting into trouble, however, she’s given a lecture about trust and blamed for bringing on the situation.
No wonder the fight for her parents’ approval ends in Lucy also becoming a minister and marrying police officer Kevin Kinkirk at the age of 20. This is Eric’s dream son-in-law, who stands for the same narrow-minded Christian, family-friendly values as he does. And talks about Lucy the same way he does to his wife. His go-to statement: «She’s crazy, but I love her».
Simon gets spanked for having premarital sex
The second son, who’s also the second youngest for a long time, is Simon (played by David Gallagher). This bright, charming boy is pretty much the only child in the Camden family who’s more or less going through a realistic puberty. While he’s still a good boy in the first few seasons – and loudly expresses his moral outrage at the «wrongdoings» of his older siblings – his image changes later on. Very much to the displeasure of his parents, of course. First, he’s suspended from school for giving a classmate the middle finger. Shock horror! Later, he’s «lured into» gangster rap because his friends listen to it. But everyone knows you shouldn’t be hanging out with people who listen to gangster rap. After all, they’ll all turn into machos who go around harassing women. Just like Simon’s school friend who gropes and assaults women. Because the songs told him to. The moral of the story being that anyone who listens to rap will end up in prison sooner or later. Or something along those lines.
When Simon and his 16-year-old girlfriend Cecilia (Ashlee Simpson) decide to sleep together, they initially confide in their respective parents. But the conservative minister is so shocked by the very idea that he can «partly understand» why Cecilia’s father wants to beat up his underage son in his presence. It goes without saying that the families believe this could only have been Simon’s idea. In their holy little world, unmarried women obviously have zero sex drive. So much for confiding in your parents. Note to self: better keep things a secret.
But this doesn’t stop Simon from having premarital sex with other partners. This is a shock to the family, as premarital sex is associated with «feelings of guilt, depression or even pain». Obviously, the fear of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies has been instilled in Simon. Problems that magically disappear as soon as you’re married, of course.
11 seasons? Really?!
I could give you countless other examples from the eleven-season series. But I think you’ve got a pretty good idea of what life is like at the Camdens. When I rewatched a few episodes for this article 20 years later, it was like watching a car crash. You know, seeing something so horrible you can’t look away. The so-called Christian values are imposed on everyone to an almost absurd degree. It’s a great example of how not to treat your children (or anyone else for that matter).
The pinnacle is the theme tune that goes: «I know there’s no greater feeling than the love of family». But there’s no love in sight. The parents’ emotional range is limited to suspicion, mistrust, control and punishment, often by means of deprivation of love. It doesn’t seem to bother the parents that their children are always «up to something.» The fact that three of the four adult children later move as far away as possible from Glen Oak (both emotionally and geographically speaking), doesn’t seem to set off any alarm bells for the parents either. Instead, they find new kids they can patronise. And the kids are happy to comply, as their real parents are «no good». No good meaning not going to church or having frequently changing sexual partners.
Admittedly, some episodes feature the family members standing up against discrimination – be it in the name of people of colour or victims of bullying. But these moments are so rare and the acts often committed by stereotypical church opponents that the seemingly good deeds are always diminished.
At the end of the series, the couple go on a trip in their camper van and take their two youngest children, the twins Sam and David, with them. After all, home schooling is pretty widespread in the USA. And they preached happily ever after.
Header image: CBS/Warner
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I've been tinkering with digital networks ever since I found out how to activate both telephone channels on the ISDN card for greater bandwidth. As for the analogue variety, I've been doing that since I learned to talk. Though Winterthur is my adoptive home city, my heart still bleeds red and blue.
