As good as winning the lottery: paying compliments pays off

It goes without saying that it pays to be friendly with your partner. It is also hardly surprising that receiving regular compliments or praise from your loved one strengthens the bond and satisfaction of a relationship. However, it has now been shown that we are happiest when we say something nice or appreciative to the other person - even more so than when we receive the compliment.

Researchers from the Institute of Medical Psychology at Heidelberg University Hospital (UKHD) and the Central Institute of Mental Health (ZI) in Mannheim wanted to find out what happens in our brains when we are the ones giving out compliments. They published their findings in the journal SCAN - Social Cognitive Affective Neuroscience.

Whoever praises wins... and that means a good feeling

For their study, Professor Dr Beate Ditzen and her team had couples exchange text messages in which they complimented each other or wrote about what they liked about each other and their relationship. While the partners in the relationship were chatting, the researchers scanned their brains using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to determine which areas reacted and how strongly.

The exciting thing: Certain brain areas of the so-called limbic system, which are also involved in empathy and reward processing, were not only activated when the test subjects received a positive message, but also when they sent a friendly message. If the test subjects addressed loving and appreciative words to their loved one, their brains reacted in a similar way to a good meal, their favourite music or even a lottery win. The neurotransmitters oxytocin and dopamine, known as bonding and happiness hormones, were also involved.

The mere thought of saying something nice makes you happy

Previous studies have already shown that compliments and praise activate the neuronal empathy and reward areas in the person receiving them and thus increase satisfaction in romantic relationships. "In the current study, we found that sending praise and anticipation - i.e. knowing that I am about to say my compliment - activates the same relevant areas of the brain and even to a greater extent than praise received from a partner," adds study leader Dr Monika Eckstein, Institute of Medical Psychology at the UKHD. So if you just think about complimenting your partner, you are already setting the happiness cascade in motion. And make yourself even happier than the other person.

And if you're not in a relationship, the researchers have another insight up their sleeve: the whole thing even works for yourself. Giving yourself positive feedback also triggers the reward networks in the brain.

So if you don't win the lottery again, why not give yourself a compliment? Or two.