Body positivity: why I don’t want to happily embrace every scar, every kilo and every dimple

I feel like I’m surrounded by naked people. Not just in the swimming pool or sauna, but in the digital world, especially from women (of any age) who proudly show me their ample bellies, buttocks and hips – because of body positivity. Now prevalent on social media, its roots are often forgotten. The original movement was about the political response to extreme weight discrimination in our society.

Today, this goal seems watered down. Under the hashtag #bodypositivity, you’ll mostly find posts that focus more on #bodyconfidence, i.e. body-related self-confidence. This is why feminists are constantly criticising it. After all, the way body positivity is now portrayed on Instagram and other sites is once again about attractiveness. A genuine liberation from (self-)objectification thus seems impossible. The movement, which was actually so important, was monetised and politicised until it finally frayed.

A reality check on body positivity

And in the analogue world? It’s what enters my ears that’s alarming. In addition to the derogatory comments about other people’s body shapes, I also hear some that are actually meant nicely but need to be questioned. Congratulating someone on their weight loss is still something like the most superior of all compliments – along with the dubious «You look great for your age.». But losing weight? That seems even more desirable than not ageing.

And then I have two conflicting voices in my head, no, even three: the girl who is happy that she’s been complimented. The woman who finds it disgusting. And the journalist who knows that not every pound is necessarily one too many. Nevertheless, at a certain age, being grossly overweight – especially if you’re not active either – leads to problems with mobility, health and therefore also your well-being. Do I need to throw around studies and facts to prove this? I don’t think so. Being grossly underweight or overweight isn’t healthy. Period.

Body shaming: now we can all feel bad about ourselves

I admit it: although I’m above the ideal body mass index (which, although often viewed critically these days, is still very often seen as the sole determinant of obesity), I’m not a fangirl of the current body positivity movement. Of course it’s important and better for our society to accept body shapes beyond the unrealistic supermodel ideal. But I think a woman who feels uncomfortable in her body also has the right to change or to want to change that. It’s not just our bodies that are different, but also the individual feel-good factor.

There’s nothing wrong with loving ourselves when we confront ourselves with what this «love» means. I just resist the idea that we should be able to feel a constant stream of happiness – or that we need to joyfully embrace every dimple, every jiggle, every inch.

Neutral freedom: stifle the comments

So what now? Are we in a predicament? People (and when I say people, I tend to mean women) are not only vilified when they show off their ample bellies, they’re also vilified when they show off six-pack abs or narrow hips. Yeah. We did a really great job! At last, every woman can feel marginalised and judged – «shaming equality» and body positivity are all the rage. The only antidote? Body Neutrality.

To better explain: body positivity encourages you to always feel beautiful and love your body at any size. Body neutrality, on the other hand, focuses more on how you feel than how you look. Body neutrality encourages us to understand ourselves and others as whole people first and to develop a concept of values based on a person’s inner self.

So it helps to strip away the many layers of complex social conditioning that instil in you what different body shapes mean in order to finally see the truth. That is, beauty, thinness and attractiveness can be pleasing, but say nothing about a person’s character, personality, lifestyle and happiness.

The price you pay

So how can we put this into practice? Ignore the comments. Whether in the digital or real world. I know that’s easier said than done. Judging bodies is an everyday occurrence – but is it a natural instinct or just something we’ve learned from society? Have we been conditioned to weaken each other by constantly criticising each other? Or is it simply the primal human in us, for whom health – and therefore fertility – is paramount?

Either way, I find it unpleasant when people give me such «compliments»: 'that the pounds look good on me anyway', 'that there’s more to me and that’s soooo sexy'. It makes me feel a bit like the prize-winning pig at the village fair. ‘Look, how delicious, there’s more to it'.

Recently, however, I witnessed a far more unpleasant situation. Woman A to woman B in the swimming pool, obviously a distant acquaintance: «Wow, so great, you’ve really slimmed down. How did you do that?» Woman B: «I have bowel cancer.» Horrible, isn’t it? But that’s the price you pay for letting yourself go. Not physically. But humanly.