Kingdom Eighties review: a lovely 80s pixel adventure allergic to handholding

I’ve already restarted the campaign ten times. I never get any further than I did on my first try. Already on night one, purple monsters, the Greed, storm my base. They steal my equipment and my heirloom, the Crown. That’s game over in the Kingdom series. There are already two of them, or three if you count the remake New Lands. I’ve played all of them, but never made it very far. It looks like more of the same with Kingdom Eighties for PC.

How odd, the gameplay loop seems so simple. I take on the role of a camp leader, simply called The Leader. I explore flat, two-dimensional levels with him or her – you can’t really tell who it is under the hoodie. The base, which is located centrally, is my starting point. It doesn’t take long to cycle to the edge of a level on my bike. Most of the time, I then need to rush back as quickly as possible, because at night, eerie creatures emerge from portals.

Kids rule!

As I can’t fight myself, I hire kids to cut down trees and build defences for me. Yep, kids. This ain’t your usual summer camp. But as opposed to other strategy games, I don’t select buildings from a menu or click on people and give them orders. Any interaction is done by placing coins in the appropriate place. Three coins to the hammer vendor buys a hammer for my builder. Two coins and my Archer gets a bow. Also for two coins, I can build a rudimentary wall.

I gradually grow my base step by step by cutting down trees, taking over buildings and strengthening my defences. Same as in previous instalments. Only one problem: no one’s working! How? During my first exploration attempts, I diligently expanded and survived several days without any problems. I notice that the hammers and bows I bought are sitting unused at the vendor. For the umpteenth time, I flip through the manual I received with the game code. But there’s nothing in there that I don’t already know. Even though I’ve been stuck for hours, I’m still surprisingly motivated. The basic principle of the micro-strategy game appeals to me a lot, as does its beautiful design. Neon pixels in an 80s style reflected in the water and synthwave soundtrack – just the thing for me.

Wait, what does that say?

With the Greed staying true to their name, destroying barricades and stealing tools from me time and again, I launch one final attempt. This time I’m also replaying the whole tutorial. In it, a mysterious figure appears and points out where I can spend my coins. Yes, I know, first I need to build a base. After that I cut down some trees. Then there’s hammers and bows. I know all this. Hang on a minute… YES. I forgot that I have to throw coins to the kids to get them to work. After all, we don’t want our child labour to go unpaid, do we? So little text and I still manage to overlook a crucial line. Time for the dunce cap.

Now, all of a sudden, little builders with yellow helmets scurry around to carry out my construction orders. Meanwhile, green-masked archers hunt game and defend my kingdom against invaders. Now the game can truly begin.

Each level has a goal. The first one has me recovering a stolen canoe from the Greed. In return, I gradually expand my sphere of influence. There are always interesting things to discover along the way. If I repair an abandoned arcade for four coins, the kids will start gaming there. And I can make a regular income off of them.

My bike gang

Kingdom Eighties isn’t a lonely affair. Through the course of the game, I meet three friends who accompany me on my adventure. The Champ, the Tinkerer and the Wiz don’t just actively help me in battle, they also provide their own special abilities. For example, the Tinkerer builds a rolling barricade with which I can actively advance against the Greed. With my bike gang, the mysterious creatures soon won’t be much of a threat. As long as I don’t stretch my line too fast and keep improving defences, I can fend off any attack.

At its heart, Kingdom Eighties is a very simple game. I explore the environment and give orders by donating coins. Apart from short animated cutscenes and the tutorial, there’s practically no text. Not that it’s necessary most of the time; the game communicates well what my coins can be used for. After investing five coins in a building that looks like a bank, it spits out ten later. But there are exceptions. For example, even after almost ten hours, I don’t understand what happens when I upgrade my base. In the previous games, this unlocked new buildings. That doesn’t seem to be the case here. And why are there four flagpoles in front of my base? I can also spend four coins each on them.
When it comes to the bus stop, I didn’t misread, but mistook; it takes two coins. But no matter how much I invest, nothing happens. So I continue to drive my yellow beach cruiser and… wait. My bike was green a moment ago, wasn’t it? And wasn’t the handle bar higher? Now I get it. At the bus stop, I can swap my bike for another, and I just swapped the same bikes back and forth five times. Where did I put that dunce cap?

Entertaining gameplay, beautifully packaged

Kingdom Eighties offers fun times wrapped in a dreamy retro pixel design. I can’t get enough of reflections in the water, and the synthwave soundtrack just makes me bob along. If, unlike me, you actually pay close attention to the ultra-short tutorial, the gameplay loop is easy to get the hang of. I only sometimes wish I had a little better understanding of what I can spend my coins on.

Too much complexity isn’t necessary anyway. After all, the fun consists more of discovering the lovingly designed levels, which have many little surprises in store. Expanding the base is motivating and I enjoy watching the kids scurry around work. If you’re up for an easily digestible 80s trip, you can’t go wrong with Kingdom Eighties.

Kingdom Eighties is available for PC and was provided to me by Raw Fury.