Meet my flatmate
For just under a year now, I’ve been sharing a flat. Admittedly, my flatmate doesn’t pay rent. But he doesn’t need an entire room to himself and hardly makes any noise. He’d like to introduce himself in his own words.
Hello, my name is Willy. I’m eight centimetres tall, very hairy and have black beady eyes. I’m a dwarf hamster.
I can’t help my name; I didn’t choose it. It was given to me by The Hand. The Hand is a strange creature that I deal with all the time. I didn’t choose it either. But it’s quite okay overall. When The Hand shows up, food tends to show up with it. It’s definitely worth searching my multi-story estate – houselets, hideouts and all – whenever The Hand starts waving around in front of my snout. Along with The Hand, things like feet and legs also tend to show up, often accompanied by strange noises. They all seem to go together somehow. And they all strongly point to the arrival of food. Food is good.
The Hand gropes me almost daily, which I don’t really like. But when I’m eating, I don’t mind. The Hand isn’t dangerous. I do sometimes bite it. But not out of fear. I just can’t believe this thing that appears with the food – and smells like food – is not food itself.
I’m a flexitarian. My diet is mainly vegetarian, but I neither can nor want to give up meat completely. Give me a big fat mealworm, and I’ll go to town! Hey, maybe I can eat a small piece of The Hand, after all. I’ll try it again. Just to be sure.
To be clear, I don’t spend all my time eating. Sometimes I also sleep. In fact, I sleep most of the time. Sleep is neat. They say hamsters are nocturnal, but that’s not true. I sleep at all times of the day and night. Sometimes I just doze off, and when I wake up, the first thing I do is grab a snack out of my cheek.
You may think I’m lazy. But when it comes to running away, I’m pretty darn driven. I know there must be more food out there. The Hand has to get it from somewhere. It’s an ordeal, but I refuse to give up.
Now, where was I? Right – sleep. Sleep really is important. To help me sleep better, I like to build a nest out of toilet paper. Especially in the winter. In the summer, I’m often too hot and opt to just spread out flat on the ground.
When I’m not sleeping, my wellness routine keeps me busy. I enjoy my sand bath and put a lot of effort into my extensive grooming. I clean myself very carefully and conscientiously. I take hygiene seriously. Since my legs are so short, I sometimes end up sitting on my own poop. When this happens, I swish it away with my tongue. Needles to say, I also pee and poop everywhere, including while running on my wheel. That just makes grooming all the more important.
The Hand sometimes cleans things, too. Not itself – as an intelligent being would – but the environment. When The Hand is done cleaning, the place no longer smells like me. This is absolutely unacceptable. I must fix this immediately with my pithy fragrance.
The Hand patronises me. I suspect it thinks I’m a little dumb. But I can’t say for sure. The Hand is difficult to communicate with. How are you supposed to have a sensible discussion with a being that can’t even mark anything with its scent? Though I do also have to admit that I’m not very interested in communication. I’m a loner. I’m happy to be left to my own devices.
Soon, I’ll turn one year old. Maybe I’ll turn two in another year, but no more than that. My life is short. That’s why I live it to the fullest.
29 people like this article
David Lee
Senior Editor
David.Lee@digitecgalaxus.chMy interest in IT and writing landed me in tech journalism early on (2000). I want to know how we can use technology without being used. Outside of the office, I’m a keen musician who makes up for lacking talent with excessive enthusiasm.
