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Mummy, am I pretty? How to encourage body positivity in young children
by Katja Fischer
My kid? A bully? No way!
21.2.2023
Translation: Katherine Martin
Bullying is a phenomenon that shapes everyday life, be it at school, at work or online. But is it the same story for very young children? Can hair-pulling and toy-snatching give rise to bullying?
Recently, a fellow mum I’m friends with asked me whether my son had told me about a quarrel he’d had with her daughter. I was slightly unnerved, «Huh? No, how come?»
Until that point, I wasn’t even aware that children of that age (my child is three) were capable of bullying. Or is that even what it’s called if you’re talking about kindergarten kids?
When does teasing become bullying?
Okay, phew. The little man has a hard time playing for more than half an hour with the same toy, let alone remembering to brush his teeth regularly. Carrying out repeated verbal attacks on his kindergarten pal with the aim of permanently ostracising her? Not a chance.
Bullying can start at age 6
According to Göbel, bullying among children begins at age six or seven: «Bullying requires a long-term methodical approach.» Children of daycare age, she says, aren’t cognitively developed enough to be capable of this. «There may well be a tiny number of exceptions, but ‘real’ bullying generally doesn’t happen at daycare.»
But what about my son’s behaviour? According to Göbel, the squabbles he’s been involved in are actually conflicts which form a natural part of the development process. Nevertheless, she goes on to explain that «the first basic forms of bullying» are present as early as daycare. An example of this is emotional blackmail, which children often express by saying, «You’re not my friend anymore!»
The foundation for bullying can be laid at daycare
That rings a bell. Just yesterday, I’d refused to help my son tidy up some toy cars, which for some inexplicable reason had wound up on the sofa. Without missing a beat, he yelled, «You’re not my friend anymore!» So that was him emotionally blackmailing me. Successfully, I might add. Because, of course, I did help him in the end. Not necessarily because of the blackmail, but because I wanted the sofa back in its toy-free state.
According to Göbel, the foundations for bullying later on can, in fact, be laid at daycare. For instance, there are «very dominant children who take on the role of ringleader, which gains them the admiration of other children.» There are also children who «continually demonstrate aggressive behaviour.» Kids who learn that they can be successful with these behaviours might go on to bully others.
According to Göbels, this is where educators come in. She adds that regular communication between caregivers is especially important: «They should intervene whenever they notice a long-term imbalance of power between children.» When this happens, a mutual solution should be found, for example, sitting down with both kids to establish rules around behaviour.
What if the child doesn’t want to go to kindergarten anymore?
Header image: Shutterstock / Roman Yanushevsky
A true local journalist with a secret soft spot for German pop music. Mum of two boys, a dog and about 400 toy cars in all shapes and colours. I always enjoy travelling, reading and go to concerts, too.
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