Oh, you stressful one! How parents can have a peaceful Christmas
12.12.2024
Translation: machine translated
Christmas as a parent: Is there still room for contemplation? Yes! My seven tips for less stress under the Christmas tree.
How I loved Christmas as a child. The twinkling lights, the excited anticipation, the magical atmosphere ... What could be better, I thought as a young adult, than experiencing Christmas with my own children one day?
Now I have two children. And let's put it this way: I now understand better why my mum didn't seem quite as relaxed at some Christmases as I felt as a child.
Take Christmas Eve, for example, when my first son was one and a half. My partner was busy in the kitchen trying to make his very first homemade fillet in batter. (Spoiler: the meal wasn't ready until the child was asleep.) We discussed the need for a family photo when the child didn't feel like sitting still. Of the many presents under the tree, the child only unwrapped one with much encouraging encouragement - the numerous others were left lying around. That evening, I sat disappointed in front of the Christmas tree, my partner exhausted next to me. We hadn't felt any of the magic we had been expecting so much.
And that brings us to expectations, which are rarely as high as on this emotionally charged holiday. Couldn't it be more relaxed, we asked ourselves soberly?
Source: Ann-Kathrin Schäfer
We are trying! I'm now looking back on six Christmases from a parent's perspective. Here I summarise what I took away from it and would like to share with the world. For a more reflective Christmas!
1. potato salad with sausages on Christmas Eve
I grew up in Berlin and potato salad with sausages is a classic on 24 December. My partner thought for a long time that I was joking when I suggested adopting the tradition in our family. But after two failed fillets in batter (the second year we ordered one that didn't defrost in time ...), he was ready for the dare.
I was so relieved when we could just warm up the organic sausages and put the already prepared potato salad on the table. With the Christmas decorations and candles on the table, even this meal looked really festive. We parents grinned mischievously at each other, felt a little rebellious and ceremoniously presented our beaming son with the ketchup, which we hardly ever have at home.
Source: Ann-Kathrin Schäfer
You can also put a completely different meal on the table. The important thing is that everyone likes it and that it's easy to prepare. The less time the parents spend in the kitchen, the more time there is for socialising. After the second Christmas with potato salad and sausages, it already feels like our very own tradition.
2. do without the family photo
To be honest, I'm the one who pushes for the family photo every year. But it takes time. And it takes a lot of nerves. In the end, I'm asked once again: Is it necessary?
I admit it: if you want a relaxed Christmas, it's better to skip the family photo! When I was scrolling through our Christmas photos for this article, I also realised: The non-posed photos are the more authentic memories after all, the ones that make me smile. In them, the children and the dog are concentrating on unwrapping their presents and my partner is already opening the sausage packet in his reindeer jumper ...
Source: Ann-Kathrin Schäfer
3. it's ok to make yourself and the kids happy at Christmas - and no one else
Yes, that's what I mean. There are so many expectations from all sides that I sometimes don't even realise which ones are actually mine. At the end of the day, as a parent, you're only human and you do a great job of making the children's Christmas the Christmas of their lives (and being there for the rest of the year to listen, cheer them up, comfort them...). It's totally okay to let your hair down over the festive period if you feel like it and as much as you can with the children. Maybe you feel like having Christmas dinner by a fire in the woods, going away for a few days or just staying together? Do what makes you feel good.
4. fewer gifts are more
But ones that the children are really happy about and that they can play with for a long time. This also gives busy parents a few minutes of peace and quiet. In other words, instead of socks, focus on Duplo, Lego, wooden trains or (picture) books. Perhaps there will be an opportunity to pass on toys that have not been played with for a while together with the children?
A couple friend of mine recently told me that they had agreed not to give each other any more presents at Christmas. And that it freed them up a lot. In a turbulent year, my partner and I were also relieved when we decided to focus on presents for the children.
Source: Ann-Kathrin Schäfer
5th presents bought and wrapped by the end of November
I've never managed this myself, maybe next year I will! I imagine it would be incredibly relaxing to spend the Advent season without any time pressure. How stressful I find it when I haven't got all my presents just before the end and then realise that my ideas are no longer available in time. It's also a really bad idea not to wrap presents until Christmas Eve. Especially when you're giving children lavish presents, it always takes a lot longer than expected.
6. the tree does not necessarily have to be from the regional forestry service
Of course it was romantic when we bought our Christmas tree from the regional forestry service this time. Nevertheless, we discussed it on the spot. My partner thought it had to be a Norway spruce, which was more traditional. I thought so: They prick and needle more, and besides, my family had a Nordmann fir at the time.
Source: Ann-Kathrin Schäfer
Until that very moment, I had never really thought about the fact that there are different types of Christmas tree. But suddenly I had a strong opinion: because that's how I knew it from before. And so did my partner, but in a different way to me. A confession at this point: on my very first Christmas with a baby, there was a plastic Christmas tree in my living room!
7. talk to your fellow celebrants in advance
I can recommend talking about how you experienced Christmas as a child, what you want to keep from it and what you can let go of. It doesn't get any easier when, as in my case, binational families of origin and patchwork members with their different ideas play a role. And yet it usually helps to talk to each other.
During one of these conversations about Christmas trees and Christmas dinner, my partner and I suddenly realised our role as parents. And that this also brings with it a lot of self-determination: We can now decide which traditions we want to live by and what we want to pass on to our children. For us, this also means that some things don't have to be exactly the same every year. It is more important to us that there is room to sing, laugh and unwind together during the festival of love.
How do you experience Christmas as parents? What are your tips to combat stress and for more contemplation?
Header image: Ann-Kathrin Schäfer
Ann-Kathrin Schäfer
Editor freelance
simon.balissat@digitecgalaxus.chI'm really a journalist, but in recent years I've also been working more and more as a pound cake baker, family dog trainer and expert on diggers. My heart melts when I see my children laugh with tears of joy as they fall asleep blissfully next to each other in the evening. They give me inspiration to write every day - they've also shown me the difference between a wheel loader, an asphalt paver and a bulldozer.