Welcome to menopause: lifting the lid on the taboo

Women over 45 need to develop thick skin. We do, after all, come face to face with discrimination on two levels. One, for being a woman, and two, for doing what the passage of time dictates: ageing. The thing is, we don’t want to be old. I, a woman born in 1975, still remember the first time my naturally advancing years were used against me. During a heated online discussion, my opponent ran out of arguments, googled me and brought out the big guns. The reason I was frustrated, he said, was probably because I was a woman pushing 50. I didn’t know what to say. Not because my wit had suddenly escaped me, but because I genuinely didn’t know what was supposed to be frustrating about that.

Does something happen when you hit 50? Do menopausal women get picked up and carted off to live in some kind of old-fogey commune, far away from the disgusted stares of those around them? Society looks at women differently when they reach a certain age. Those no longer able to bear children disappear from the public eye. If a menopausal woman does end up being given the limelight, it’s problems that take centre stage, «In advertising and media, the menopausal woman’s body is portrayed as deficient; as having something wrong with it,» writes Austrian market researcher Helene Karmasin in her book «Bildmagie: Die Codes der visuellen Kommunikation» (Image magic: the codes of visual communication). And this is exactly what many women are taking a stand against, including under the #sichtbarkeit47+ hashtag, which translates into English as «visibility47+». The social media campaign was initiated by journalist Silke Burmester, who writes for online menopause magazine «Palais F*luxx. She commented, «If society won’t give us the spotlight anymore, we’ll just give it to ourselves.»

Breaking the menopause taboo: a movement finds its voice

Cloaking the menopause in silence and acting like ageing is a disease is dangerous – and not just from a sociopolitical point of view. After all, the «second puberty» is an important phase in every woman’s life. Those who don’t know how to age healthily and happily soon feel isolated, don’t know how to help themselves and are often misdiagnosed. The menopause has been a taboo topic for far too long due to shame, a lack of medical knowledge or simply disinterest. Instead of talking about their symptoms, pain or fears, many women choose to keep schtum.

Or is it that they know too little about the change? Either way, the results of a recent online survey by Hamburg-based market research institute «Appinio» are alarming. Twenty-four per cent of the women surveyed said they only started looking into menopause once their symptoms began. Meanwhile, 67 per cent of respondents reported having a (rough) idea of what the menopause was, while 9 per cent said they felt well informed about the topic. In the UK, menopause has been on the sex and relationships curriculum in schools since 2020. Former Education Secretary Damian Hinds said bringing the topic into classrooms aimed to: «equip children with the knowledge to make informed decisions about their well-being, including preparing them for adult life».

The role models facing the menopause with confidence

One thing that gives me a sense of optimism – also in light of the fact that I still have the menopause ahead of me – is the ever-growing movement of «taboo smashers». US American actress Naomi Watts talks candidly about menopause on her Insta, while British presenter Davina McCall’s Channel 4 documentaries shed light on how the change impacts women in their working lives. In addition, when Swiss writer Milena Moser is interviewed, she never fails to point out that she actually looked forward to the menopause.When she experienced her first hot flush, she drank to it. She said: «These will be my years, my time. Every hot flash is a reminder: your energy is being freed up, use it.» The menopause is also increasingly being featured in TV series and movies, including Emma Thompson’s latest film «Good Luck to You, Leo Grande» and Danish political drama «Borgen», in which the Foreign Minister is approaching the change.

I spoke to three role models heavily involved in the movement to smash menopause taboos. What they had to say is intended to be encouraging for all women, regardless of whether they’re right in the throes of menopause or yet to experience it. It’s not a disease, even if the symptoms can be really annoying. But there are things that can help. Exploring them together is both important and wonderful.

«Bring Menopause into the 21st century!»

«A woman’s primary concern used to be finding a provider, and taking care of the home and children. The menopause calls all this into question. After all, this is a limited way of thinking. The menopause is a wonderful time. In our mid-forties, we stop worrying about whether or not everyone likes us. We feel free and secure in ourselves, set clear boundaries and say: ‹Here’s what I want, and here’s what I don’t want anymore.› Just take a look around you. There are so many role models around the age of 50. The image of what a woman is supposed to be is just drastically different now. That’s why it’s important for me to say: hey, you don’t have to be afraid of the menopause! You can get your symptoms under control and just sit back and enjoy everything else! Besides, you can still have sex when you’re 80. All the questions that have bothered you for years; questions like ‹who am I?› and ‹am I good enough?›, evaporate into thin air. And then you realise: ‹I’m great the way I am!›. We need to take a step back and look at our lives from the outside for a moment. Then we’ll realise we’re only halfway through our lives – and that the second half, with the right knowledge of menopause and suitable healthcare, can be really fantastic, and not just halfway bearable. Our menopause isn’t the menopause our mothers went through. It’s time to drive menopause into the 21st century!»

«We’re the generation of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll»

«Late baby boomers and generation X are entering menopause at the moment. That means a quarter of the population is dealing with it – and the change has positive aspects, too. Lots of women feel relieved after menopause – freer or more motivated to start something new. They don’t fit the demure image of the grey-haired demographic. Even beyond their fifties, they’re not even slightly quiet. That’s why, almost exactly a year ago, we developed wechselweise.net to meet the specific needs of people in this phase of life. And the positive response has been enormous. Why? Because we’re living longer. Much longer than the people born two generations before us. That’s cool, but ageing has side effects, too. It’d be disingenuous to deny that.

We have to make a distinction too: there are some side effects that we don’t have to just put up with.First of all, there are the social side effects: from about the age of 45, women suddenly become invisible. It’s as if any interest in us vanishes once we lose our ability to bear children. From the age of 50, the job market considers us to be tough hires. At best, we’re granted the role of grandma a couple of years later. But hang on a minute, we’re the sex, drugs and rock n’ roll generation. We’re well educated, we’ve held our own in the workplace, forged careers and raised children. And even if we have a few more wrinkles, we’re still the same people in our hearts and minds. Possibly more experienced and more nonchalant people. We’ve no reason to hide. And we don’t have to put up with the physical effects of ageing either. Many women suffer from ailments associated with menopause that are easily treatable with the right therapy. However, the symptoms often aren’t taken seriously – even by doctors. There needs to be greater awareness of this, both among doctors and women generally. We advocate for that too. After all, even once the menopause is over, we have plenty of years left to live. And we want to be fit, healthy and happy for them.»

«When oestrogen levels start to fall away, so does the urge to constantly be there for everyone.»

«Being a woman doesn’t end with the menopause, it just changes. Every woman experiences the transformation differently. That’s what makes it so complicated for medicine, and what makes it both a problem and a huge opportunity. Despite occasional ailments, many women I spoke to for my book felt more determined and self-assured in general once the menopause set in. There’s a simple explanation for this: when oestrogen levels start to fall away, so does the urge to constantly be there for everyone. I think it’s absolutely essential that we have a broad, open discussion about the menopause. It’s only through public dialogue that we can end stigma and allow women to talk about their symptoms without shame. It’s only with the help of a lively discourse that research and healthcare around the issue will improve. Time is on our side – statistically, there are more and more of us women over 45. Compared to the generations before us, we finally have a little more freedom of choice, more of our own money and bodily autonomy. It’s no longer possible to banish us to the shadowy margins of society. I use the anger that sometimes bubbles up in menopausal women to get one thing straight: I’m never going to get back in my box. I (and hopefully all women over 45) are still right there in the thick of life.